Is He Still In Love? Unpacking the Signs in Your Marriage

Hey there. If you’ve landed on this page, chances are your heart is feeling a little heavy, and your mind is swirling with questions. You’re looking at the man you married, the person you share a life with, and wondering, is he still in love with me? It’s a quiet, gnawing question that can creep in during the silent moments and keep you up at night.

My name is Amanda Erin, and I’ve been married to my wonderful, and sometimes wonderfully infuriating, husband Kevin Clarence for over a decade. I get it. Marriage isn’t a fairy tale where you ride off into the sunset and every day is pure bliss.

It’s a real, living thing that has its seasons springs full of new growth, lazy summers, colorful autumns, and yes, sometimes long, cold winters. I’ve had my own moments of doubt, my own nights spent wondering if the spark was dimming.

This isn’t about some glossy magazine quiz that gives you a score out of ten. This is about looking at the real, subtle, and often overlooked signs in your everyday life. We’re going to peel back the layers of routine and responsibility to find the heart of your connection. Together, we’ll explore what love looks like after years of shared bills, messy kids, and navigating life’s curveballs.

Decoding His Daily Actions (Because They Speak Volumes)

They say actions speak louder than words, and in a long-term relationship, this becomes the absolute truth. Grand romantic gestures are fantastic, but the real testament to love is often found in the small, consistent things he does every single day. It’s easy to miss these if you’re not looking for them.

The Little Rituals of Connection

Think about the tiny, seemingly insignificant routines you share. Does he still participate in them? When Kevin makes coffee in the morning, he always makes my cup first, exactly how I like it a little cream, no sugar. It’s a small thing, so small it’s easy to overlook. But it’s a daily ritual that says, “I’m thinking of you.”

What are your small rituals?

• Morning Hellos and Nightly Goodbyes: Does he still kiss you goodbye before heading to work? Does he make a point to find you and say goodnight before he falls asleep, even if you’re in separate rooms? These bookends to the day are powerful anchors of connection. A simple touch or a “sleep well” can be a huge indicator.
• The “Thinking of You” Texts: These aren’t necessarily long, poetic messages. It could be a funny meme he saw that he knew you’d love, a quick “how’s your day?” text, or even a random photo of something that reminded him of you. It shows that even when you’re apart, you still occupy space in his mind.
• Sharing the Mundane: Does he tell you about his day? Not just the big wins, but the annoying coworker, the weird thing that happened at lunch, the traffic on the way home. When a man is in love, he wants to share his world with you—the good, the bad, and the boring. He values your ear and your perspective.

I remember a time a few years back when Kevin and I felt more like roommates than partners. We were so busy with work and life that our daily rituals had faded. I felt the distance growing. One day, I decided to just restart one of them.

I started making his coffee first. It felt a little forced initially, but within a week, he started making mine again too. Sometimes, you just need to gently remind each other of the connections you’ve built.

How He Responds in Your Moments of Need

Life isn’t always easy. How does your husband react when you’re stressed, sick, or just having a terrible day? A partner who is still deeply in love will instinctively move toward you in these moments, not away.

• Your Personal Cheerleader: When you’re excited about a new opportunity or proud of an accomplishment, is he your biggest fan? A loving husband’s ego doesn’t get in the way of celebrating you. He’ll be the one telling everyone how amazing you are. His pride in you is a reflection of his love for you.
• Your Anchor in the Storm: Conversely, when you’re falling apart, does he offer a steady hand? This doesn’t always mean he has all the answers. Sometimes, it’s just sitting with you in silence, rubbing your back, and saying, “We’ll figure this out together.” Kevin isn’t a huge talker when I’m upset, but he’ll quietly do the dishes I left in the sink or bring me a blanket. That’s his way of saying, “I’m here, and I’m taking care of you.”

If you feel like you’re facing your struggles alone, that’s a significant red flag. Love means being a team, especially when one of you is down.

The Language of Intimacy (And It’s Not Just About Sex)

When we hear the word intimacy, our minds often jump straight to the bedroom. And while physical intimacy is definitely an important part of a romantic relationship, it’s only one piece of the puzzle. Emotional and intellectual intimacy are the glue that holds a marriage together through the years.

Emotional Intimacy: The Art of Being Seen

Emotional intimacy is the feeling of safety and closeness you share. It’s knowing you can be your true, unfiltered self-flaws and all and still be loved.

• He Lets You See His Vulnerable Side: Does your husband share his fears, his insecurities, his disappointments with you? Men are often socialized to be strong and stoic, so when he lets that guard down with you, it’s a profound act of trust and love. He’s not just sharing his triumphs; he’s sharing his soul.
• He Protects Your Vulnerability: When you share something deeply personal and vulnerable with him, how does he handle it? Does he listen without judgment? Does he keep your secrets safe? A husband who loves you will treat your heart with care. He will never use your vulnerabilities against you in an argument. Your emotional safety is his priority.
• He Seeks Your Opinion: Does he ask for your advice on important decisions? From career moves to what to do about a problem with his family, him wanting your input shows that he respects your mind and values you as an equal partner. He’s not just looking for an opinion; he’s looking for your opinion. IMO, this is one of the biggest signs of respect, which is a cornerstone of love.

Physical Touch Beyond the Bedroom

Non-sexual physical touch is a powerful indicator of continued affection and connection. It’s the stuff that keeps the pilot light of your relationship lit between bigger moments of passion.

Think about your daily interactions:

• Does he reach for your hand when you’re walking together?
• Does he put his arm around you when you’re sitting on the couch watching a movie?
• Does he give you a lingering hug for no reason at all?
• Does he still give you that little pat on the back as he walks by you in the kitchen?

These small, almost unconscious acts of touch are like little deposits in the relationship bank account. They say, “I see you, I’m connected to you, I love you.” If physical touch has all but disappeared, it might be a sign that the emotional distance is growing, too.

Navigating Conflict and Planning the Future

Every couple argues. It’s completely normal. The key isn’t whether you fight, but how you fight and, more importantly, how you repair things afterward. How you handle disagreements and plan for the future speaks volumes about the health and foundation of your love.

Fighting Fair: A Sign of Respect and Love

Conflict can either be a destructive force or a tool for growth. A husband who is still in love with you will fight with you for the relationship, not against you to win.

Here’s what that looks like in practice:

• He Avoids Low Blows: Even in the heat of the moment, he doesn’t resort to cruel name-calling, dredging up past mistakes you’ve both moved on from, or attacking your character. He might be angry at your actions, but he’s not attacking you as a person.
• He’s Willing to Repair: After an argument, is he the one to extend the olive branch? Or is he at least receptive when you do? A loving partner can’t stand the feeling of disconnection for long. He’ll want to resolve the issue and get back to a place of peace and closeness. Stonewalling or giving the silent treatment for days on end is a sign of emotional withdrawal, not love.
• He Listens to Your Perspective: This is a big one. Can he hear your side of the story, even if he doesn’t agree with it? A man who loves you will at least try to understand why you feel the way you do. He acknowledges your feelings as valid, even if his own are different.

We, Not Me: Talking About the Future

Listen to the language he uses when he talks about the future. Is it filled with “I” or “we”?

A husband who is still deeply invested in your partnership will naturally include you in his future plans.

• When he talks about retirement, is it about “our” dream to travel or “his” dream to buy a boat?
• When he considers a new job, does he talk about how “we” would be affected by the change?
• Does he still daydream with you about future vacations, home renovations, or what life will be like when the kids are grown?

Shared dreams are the fuel for a long-term relationship. When a man stops including you in his vision for the future, it can be a sign that he’s starting to imagine a future that doesn’t have you in it in the same way. It’s a subtle but powerful shift to watch out for.

Common Mistakes to Avoid When You’re Feeling Insecure

When we feel scared and uncertain about our relationship, it’s easy to fall into traps that can actually push our partner further away. If you’re worried, please be mindful of these common mistakes.

• The Interrogation: Constantly asking “Do you love me?” or “Are you happy?” puts immense pressure on him and can feel accusatory. Instead of seeking verbal reassurance 24/7, try to observe his actions and create positive interactions that naturally lead to feelings of love and connection.
• Snooping: I know it’s tempting. You’re looking for answers, for certainty. But going through his phone, email, or wallet is a massive breach of trust. If you find something, the foundation of your relationship is rocked. If you find nothing, you still have to live with the fact that you didn’t trust him. It’s a no-win situation that turns you into someone you don’t want to be.
• Assuming the Worst: He’s quiet tonight. You immediately assume it’s because he’s falling out of love with you. In reality, he might have had a brutal day at work, be worried about money, or just be tired. Don’t let your insecurity write a story that isn’t true. Give him the benefit of the doubt and open a gentle line of communication instead. Try, “You seem quiet tonight. Everything okay?”
• Starting a “Scorecard”: Love is not a transaction. If you start keeping a tally of who did what “I did the laundry three times this week, and he didn’t even notice” you’re creating a dynamic of resentment. It’s so easy to do, but it will poison your connection. Focus on giving generously without expecting an immediate and equal return.

Conclusion: Trusting Your Gut and Taking Action

So, how do you know if your husband is still in love with you? After all this, the truth is there’s no magic formula. It’s a combination of his daily actions, the emotional safety he provides, how he fights for your relationship, and whether he still sees a “we” in the future. It’s about the overall feeling you get from the thousand tiny interactions that make up your shared life.

Ultimately, you have to trust your intuition. Your gut feeling is often more accurate than any checklist. If you’ve read through this and feel a sense of relief, recognizing your husband in these positive descriptions, then cherish that. Nurture it.

If you’re feeling a pit in your stomach because you don’t see your relationship reflected here, that’s important information too. It doesn’t mean it’s over. It simply means it’s time to have a brave, honest conversation.

It’s time to take action to reconnect. Start by reintroducing one small ritual, offering a moment of non-sexual touch, or sharing something vulnerable of your own.

Now, I want to hear from you. What’s one small thing your husband does that lets you know he loves you? Or what’s one piece of advice you’d give to another woman feeling this uncertainty? Share your thoughts in the comments below. Let’s support each other. You’re not alone in this.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

My husband says “I love you,” but his actions don’t show it. What does that mean?

Words are easy; actions require effort. While hearing “I love you” is wonderful, it can become a habit said without real feeling behind it. If his actions like being dismissive, not making you a priority, or being emotionally distant consistently contradict his words, you should place more weight on the actions. It could be a sign that he’s on autopilot or that there’s a deeper disconnect that needs to be addressed through conversation.

We’ve stopped having sex as often. Does that mean he’s not in love with me anymore?

Not necessarily. A dip in sexual frequency is very common in long-term relationships and can be caused by dozens of factors: stress, fatigue, health issues, low self-esteem, or just the routine of life. The more important question is whether all forms of physical intimacy have stopped. If he still hugs you, holds your hand, and cuddles, but the sex has slowed, it’s likely a libido issue rather than a love issue.

He spends all his free time on his hobbies or with his friends. Is this a bad sign?

It depends. It’s healthy for partners to have separate interests and friendships. It keeps individuals vibrant, which makes the couple stronger. The problem arises when he only chooses his hobbies or friends over spending quality time with you. If you’ve tried to schedule date nights or time together and he consistently prioritizes other things, that’s a sign he may be disengaging from the relationship.

What if I’m the one who has pulled away? Can I fix this?

Absolutely. Relationships are a two-way street, and sometimes we are the ones who put up walls without realizing it. The first step is self-awareness, which you have! The next step is to take small, brave actions. Initiate a hug. Ask him about his day and listen with genuine interest. Suggest a low-pressure activity you used to enjoy together. Your efforts will likely be noticed and can be the catalyst for him to start meeting you halfway.